


Forbidden Existence

by Blenderkit17



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Did I mention fluff?, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Tony Needs a Hug, Updates are slow, a lot of people are antagonized, it splits after ultron, not so bad Loki, the bots are trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-07 07:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19204636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blenderkit17/pseuds/Blenderkit17
Summary: Tony's life has spiraled since Ultron. The Avengers have left and Tony spends his time working his back off. SHEILD and the Avengers still use him as a supplier, but not a member. Tony is not eating or sleeping, but he is okay. Really he is. But then one day an unexpected guest crashes into his life and changes it for the better.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is one of my first works in this fandom so bare with me if anyone seems OOC. This isn't beta read, so I apologize ahead of the time for errors. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
> 
> I used a line from a song that helped inspire this story. The song is "Use me" by Alec Benjamin. See if you can find it :)

It has been months since that horrific incident. Ultron had to have been the worst mistake of Tony’s life, and that was saying something. Tony had been extremely paranoid after the vision he had of the Void, the Chitauri, Death. He was just trying to prevent it from happening, but you know what they say, sometimes what you do to prevent the future is exactly what ends up causing it anyway. He had heard that in a movie somewhere. No matter. It was still true.

 

The Team was so vengeful after Ultron. They all moved out of the Avenger’s Tower and Tony was kicked off the team. They still called when they needed him, for money and weapons of course, but that was all they did. Tony tried his best not to lose them, but they left in the end. His science bro- and this hurt the most- left right after Ultron to get away from the witch and all the blame moved to Tony. Tony is used to messing up, but this time, he messed up too much. He lost everything, even JARVIS- His AI that has been with him through thick and thin and who Tony thought of as a son. Tony had made FRIDAY to help him, and she was almost as smart as her late big brother, but it wasn’t the same.

 

The tower had been so empty after the first few months- still is unbearably empty. It was so  _ lonely _ , and Tony couldn’t stand it. Before the Avengers, Tony had filled that loneliness and silence with one night stands. After Pepper, Tony just couldn’t stand the thought of uncommitted one night stands anymore. The only way that Tony could get rid of the silence was work. He would work on projects for SI, the Avengers, and Shield while blasting AC/DC as loud as FRIDAY would let him. Tony would work and work and work until he passed out from either sleep deprivation or a lack of nutrients. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t bear the thought of stopping and facing the crushing silence of the tower. And there was no one there to stop him. He bots- bless his bots- tried their best to help Tony, but Tony wouldn’t listen to them. All his bots could do was to try and contain the fallout, like they were doing right now.

 

Tony had been working on a project for SHIELD over the last four days, and he never stopped to eat, drink, or sleep. Eventually, his bad habits caught up to him and he fainted in the middle of his workshop. Thankfully, he wasn’t using a saw or other dangerous tool at the time, he had only been working on blueprints. Tony had fainted while holding a saw once, wouldn’t recommend it.

 

When he woke up, he bots were hovering over him beeping with concern. As Tony came to, he noticed a pillow under his head and a blanket on his shoulders. He felt his heart warm up at the affection his bots showed. His smile quickly faded as he woke up more and the pain registered. His head hurt like hell and his stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself- which is probably what it was actually doing. He couldn’t stop a pained groan from escaping his lips.

 

_ Boss, you have to eat soon,  _ FRIDAY stated in an accusatory tone,  _ you need to stop doing this to yourself. _

 

Tony pushed himself up and groaned when his vision blacked out. There was no arguing there, so he stood up without a word to his AI or his bots and left the workshop. He knew that FRIDAY would have a smoothie ready for him when he arrived in the kitchen, and sure enough, there was a fresh smoothie waiting for him on the counter.

 

Tony took a deep breath as he leaned on the counter. His head was pounding and his vision was swimming. He gripped on the counter until he regained his vision. Lately, his movements have been offley sluggish and his thoughts were scarily slow for a genius like him. It was getting harder and harder to think straight and he was weaker. He knew that if he continued this way, then he might very well die, but he couldn’t stop. The silence was worse than physical pain and discomfort.

 

Tony slowly slipped on his smoothie while his thoughts spun, and flinched at the taste. These shakes were the only thing keeping him alive at this point, but they tasted horrible. The shakes consisted of proteins and vitamins that his body needed to live. Basically a bunch of  chemicals and greens. It had been a compromise for his bots. Tony hated eating food. It was slow and wasted his time. He was okay with a dink though, and his bots recommended these health smoothies. He hasn’t had solid food since Ultron.

 

Tony started to feel dizzy again. He took the rest of his smoothie and sat on the couch facing the window that takes up a whole wall of the penthouse. He can already feel the silence pressing in on him, making it harder to breath. His thought started to spiral and he could feel the panic creeping up.

 

_ Boss,  _ FRIDAY interrupted, snapping him out of his panic,  _ Incoming call from your  _ **_handler_ ** _ from S.H.I.E.L.D _

 

Tony smirked at the hint of resentment in his child's voice. She had been angry at S.H.I.E.L.D’s insistence that Tony be assigned a specific handler. Tony had to report to him for everything. He had to send a list of all his current project to his handler before he could complete them, including SI projects. Tony didn’t protest, even when his rights to privacy were violated. Ultron was his fault after all; he deserved it. They often only called to ‘check up” on him anyway.

 

“Let-” Tony choked out. He hadn’t spoken in a few days and his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again. This time he sounded better. “Let him through, FRI.”

 

“Stark.” his handler hissed. Tony never bother to learn his name, “Where are the new weapons for the Avengers? They are due by tomorrow.”

 

Tony closed his eyes and sighed. He has been working on the project, but the S.I. project had taken priority. Tony breathed in deeply; summoning his faux confidence and slipping into his eccentric billionaire persona. It fooled even Pepper most of the time. Now wasn’t THAT a sad thought.

 

“Of course. They’re almost done,” They weren’t even close, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow. Don’t worry your pretty little face.” Tony internally sighed; it was going to be another all-nighter tonight- not like he was going to sleep anyway.

 

“You better, Stark,” the handler sneered, “We wouldn’t want a repeat of that one time would we?” 

 

Tony flinched. That “one time” he was referring to had been when tony had  _ accidentally _ burnt his hand so bad he could not work on the project S.H.I.E.L.D. had assigned him. He was late, and as a result, agents had stormed his house like a SWAT team. They were interrogating him all day long and SI suffered for it. Needless to say, it wasn’t much fun.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I got the message. It won’t be late.” Tony said with a confidence he did not feel. Honestly, his ability to lie to secret government spies scared him sometimes.

 

“Good,” His handler grunted. He hung up without a goodbye and Tony was once again plunged in silence.

 

Tony was aware that SHIELD was using him. Their manipulating tactics were so obvious that a toddler would recognize them. Tony didn’t care, though; a part of him- a part he would rather ignore- loved being used. And wasn’t that a hit in the stomach? He was so lonely and depressed that he was okay with being used and manipulated just to feel like he was useful, like he had a purpose. He laughed at the irony; they didn’t know that what they were hiding was providing him with everything he needed. He was okay with playing into their hands. Really.

 

He slowly got up to head to his workshop; he needed to start now if he wanted to finish the project on time. He was almost to the elevator when his wall of glass shattered. He turned around and saw a figure in green lumped into a ball on his penthouse floor.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize for any mistakes. Any constructive criticism is appreciated too. I censored my swears, so if your wondering what the key smashes are... yeah.
> 
> Enjoy!

Loki opened his eyes with a groan. His whole body ached from, not only his fall, but from the strenuous fight before hand. Loki had just escaped from his prison in Asgard and needless to say, they weren’t too happy about it. He had used his last string of magic to teleport himself away while hiding from Heimdal, but had messed up and fell through the sky and into a building.

 

He sat up and looked around. The place was oddly familiar… He made eye contact with a brown haired man eyeing him with shock. The man had brown eyes and a short stature. He also looked like he was run over by a bilgesnipe with his messy hair and the huge bags under his eyes. _Tony Stark_ . He had crashed in _Midgard_ of all realms. The mortals face slowly morphed into suspicion. This wasn’t good. Loki was to weak to teleport away or put up a good fight.

 

“What are you doing here?” Stark demanded. His glare was steel as he slowly made his way to Loki. His anger at Loki was as clear as day. This wasn’t good.

 

Loki offered up a placating smile, but he knew that the mortal wasn't fooled if his flinch said anything. “Don’t worry, Stark. It was merely an accident,” Might as well tell the truth. He had a feeling lies won’t help much in this situation, “I will be on my way now.” He tried to stand up, but a wave of dizziness hit him hard and he feel to the knees with a sharp intake of air. Now that a majority of the battle induced adrenaline was gone, he realized was more hurt then he had at first thought.

 

“Woah, hey, are you good?” Stark rushed over and helped him to a couch. Was he concerned about him?

 

“I am fine, Stark.” Loki denied. It was obviously a lie to both of them. Loki probably looked as bad as he felt. His head was pounding and swimming. He hadn’t felt that way since his fall through the Void. Loki dropped his head into his hands and closed his eyes tightly in an effort to stop the dizziness. It didn’t work.

 

“ _( &$^*((! _” he heard stark curse under his breath, “Your bleeding pretty heavily there, Reindeer Games…”

 

Shocked, Loki reached up to feel the back of his head and winced. He pulled his hand away and saw that it was covered in thick blood. Shot, he must  have hit his head on something in the fall. Normally he wouldn’t be quite as hurt as this, but he usually had his magic to heal him. Now that his magic was gone his wound wasn’t going to close up on it’s own.

 

“Um, okay. Hold on. I’ll go get the first-aid kit.” Stark said. He was frantic. He pushed himself off the couch and headed to the elevator but paused half way. “Uh, Fri?”

 

“ _Yes, boss?”_ Loki jumped. Where was the voice coming from?

 

“Where do we keep the first aid kit? We do have one, right?”

“ _We do indeed, Boss. It is located in the bathroom of this floor.”_

 

_“_ Oh yeah! _”_ Stark turned and ran around a corner.

 

That was a little weird, but Loki could think on that later. All he could think about was the pain in his head and the steadily growing nausea. thankfully, Stark didn’t take too long to return with the healing supplies.

 

“Okay…” Stark muttered. He sat down on the couch next to Loki, but Loki couldn’t focus on him. His vision was too blurry. He heard the click of the box and Stark rummaging around.

 

“Aha!” Stark exclaimed. Loki winced at the load noise. “Sorry. Now, this is going to sting.” Stark reached up and touched to wound with a smooth cream. Loki hissed at the pain.

 

“Good news,” Stark said cheerfully, “You don’t need stitches! Now, let me bandage you up.”

 

Stark carefully tapped a piece of cotton onto the back of his head. “There!” he backed up and looked at Loki. “Wow you look like &^@#.” Stark committed in a manner that suggested that he didn’t mean to.

 

“I used up… all of my magic reserves…” Loki slurred. He was so _tired._ He couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night's sleep, and on top of that, he drained himself of any remaining energy in his escape.

 

Stark narrowed his eyes in concern. “Yeah, you need sleep. I have questions, but they can wait until tomorrow.” Stark stood up and offered his hand. “Come on. I will show you a guest room that you can sleep in.”

 

Normally Loki would get offended over the offered help and deny it out right, but right now he was too tired to protest. Besides, who knew when he would be able to find somewhere safe enough to sleep? Loki grabbed the hand and stood up. His vision blackened and he ended up leaning into Stark. He must have been _really_ tired to have not have thought twice about that. Stark didn’t fight him either. He just haled Loki to a room.

 

It felt like an eternity before they reached the room, but it was probably only a minute. Tony dragged him to the bed and laid him down. Loki was out as soon as his head hit the comfy pillow.

 

******

 

Loki slowly came to. Since when was his cell so fluffy? He blinked. This wasn’t his cell… The room was much bigger and instead of an empty white room, it was filled with furniture and different shades of blue. Slowly the memories came back. He sat up to fast and his vision swam for a second. He touched the back of his head and felt the cotton that Stark had applied that evening. He winced when he pressed too hard on the still healing wound. So his magic hadn’t come back overnight. Can’t say he was surprised. The Aesir were very adamant on him having no magic. His body was so sore and weak, but it was a feeling he was now used to after the many draining he had to endure on Asgard.

 

“ _Mr. Odinson.”_ the voice in the ceiling spoke up, startling Loki _. “I would recommend you take things slow. You suffered from blood loss and a possible concussion.”_

 

“Yes..” Loki mumbled. He was still upset about being taken down by such a small wound. “And who are you?”

 

“ _I am FRIDAY. I am Boss' personal AI. I run everything in the tower and my main directive is to assist Boss.”_

 

“Right… And where is he now?”

 

“ _Boss_   _is currently in his workshop. Before you do anything, I must tell you, no one is permitted to enter the workshop unless under direct permission from Boss._ ”

 

Loki frowned at that. Not that he wanted to go in anyway, but something about that statement struck him as off. Shrugging it off, Loki slowly stood up. “Anyway... May I eat, Smart Machine?”

 

“ _Yes, Mr. Loki_ ,” Loki could have sworn he heard annoyance in it’s voice, “ _There is some food in the pantry in the kitchen_.”

 

Loki made his way to the kitchen with FRIDAY's guidance. As he was shuffling through the cabinets for food, he noticed how untouched the pantry was. Odd.

 

******

 

Tony has been working nonstop in the lab since his new guest showed up. He didn’t know how long he had been down in the lab, but it was long enough for his stash of coffee in the Lab to run out. FRIDAY used to stop him for doing this, but he soon realized that his attempts were futile.

 

He had to go up into the penthouse kitchen for some more coffee. It was an inconvenient trip, but he really needed some coffee. When he arrived he almost ran into Loki. He had to stop himself from almost walking straight into the guy. He was just standing right in front of the elevator. Seriously, why was he hovering by the elevator doors.

 

“I wasn’t.” Loki smoothly responded, “I was just passing through.”

 

Shot. did he say that out loud?

 

“Yes.”

 

“I just need some coffee…” He mumbled as he pushed past Loki to get to the holy coffee pot.

 

Unfortunately, Loki followed him.

 

“When was the last time you slept?” Loki accused.

 

“Uh…” He paused. When was the last time he had slept. “FRI?”

 

“ _Four days ago, Sir.”_

 

“Four?” huh, he didn’t realize it had been that long.

 

“Midgardians need more sleep than that.” Loki accused, “Your going to bed.”

 

“Wha- No!” Tony tried to protest but Loki just grabbed his wrist and dragged him into his bedroom. He couldn’t protest much; he was too tired. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was out.

 

*****

 

Tony groaned as the light hit his eyes. He rolled over and buried his face into the pillow to block out the annoying light. He hadn’t slept this well in ages. Actually, when was the last time he slept in a bed? He had been crashing down in his lab as he finished the project. Wait…

 

Tony shot up in bed. He got out and quickly got changed into his business clothes.. “FRIDAY, what time is it?”

 

_“Almost noon, Boss_.” Tony swore under his breath. He was late to the SHIELD meeting.

 

Tony quickly rushed out of his room and to the elevator. He didn’t worry about his appearance; he needed to get down to the lab to fetch the weapons. With any luck he can write his tardiness on being Tony Stark and no one will think twice.

 

Tony almost made it to the elevator when he ran into Loki. Again.

 

“Wow, Stark.” Loki teased, “Do you make it a habit to run into your guests?”

 

“Not now, Rudolph, I’m late for a meeting.” Normally he would snark back, but he just didn’t have the time right then.

 

Tony pushed past Loki and into the elevator. He pressed the button for his workshop and leaned back against the wall. He was expecting Loki to go away, but instead Loki got on after him.

 

“What meeting?” Loki asked.

 

Tony sighed. He had a few seconds he guessed. “A SHIELD meeting. I have a delivery of weapons due today.”

 

Loki looked at him strangely. “They make you deliver all of their weapons personally?”

 

Tony was tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. Why did Loki sound so appalled? “Yeah. After Ultorn they can’t trust me.”

 

Before Loki could retort the elevator doors opened. Tony rushed to grab the box on one of the benches. He was glad he had enough lucidity to pack them up last night. He ran back into the elevator where Loki was still standing. He was staring at him the whole ride up to the lobby.

 

Tony rushed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. “If you want more details, ask FRIDAY!” he called over his shoulder. He jumped into the car Happy drove around to the front and drove off.

 

*****

 

The SHIELD meeting ended up taking hours of his precious time. They were really angry with him, as predicted, and interrogated him for most of that time. Thankfully, they bought his eccentric billionaire act and didn’t do anything except constantly interrogate him. Honestly, if Tony had not already survived worse, he might not have been able to keep up the act, but…

 

Anyway, he was tired and just wanted to rest. He thought he might as well indulge himself a little, but he couldn’t go to bed- no, he had too many things to do. Instead, he was looking forward to lounging on the couch and getting whatever work he could get done from his tablet.

 

The elevator door opened on the penthouse floor. Tony made a beeline for the couch, but paused as a really delicious smell filled the room. Was that Steak? Garlic?

 

“Friday, did you order take out?” He asked incredulity.

 

“ _No, boss._ ” Friday responded smugly

 

Curious, Tony made his way into the kitchen.

 

Tony’s jaw dropped as he entered the door way. _Loki,_ the war criminal, was _cooking._ There were dishes and ingredients flying around the kitchen while Loki worked, and Tony could not help but watch in awe. The whole thing was so _domestic_ . Not something he would have ingrained of an inter-realm criminal. Loki was even wearing an _apron_.

 

Loki briefly turned around when Tony entered the kitchen.

 

“Evening, Stark.” Loki greeted before turning back to the food.

 

“Are you cooking?” Tony asked. Loki just turned and gave him a dry look. “Yeah. stupid question. Better one:  since when could you cook?”

 

“I have been able to cook for longer then you have been alive, Stark,” Loki answered without looking back at Tony, “Do you really expect me to eat the crap you Midgardians try to sell as “fast food.”

 

“I sense a story there,” Tony snarked. He ignored Loki's glare and moved closer to peer over his shoulder. “What are you cooking?

 

“A recipe that your machine gave me.” Loki responded. He put the steak in the oven before turning to Tony. He stood appraising him with narrowed eyes. “I should have extra, if you want any?”

 

Tony was uncomfortable under his stare. He backed away slowly. “I… uh… am not hungry. I already had dinner so…”

 

Loki reached out and grabbed Tony’s arm before he could react. “You should know better than to lie to the god of lies, Stark.” His eyes narrowed further. Was that... concern? “When was the last time you ate?” Yep, definitely concern.

 

“ _Three days._ ” FRIDAY intervened over tony's blabbering.

 

Loki just shot Tony with a look that meant business. “Your eating.” he said in a threatening voice. He turned back to the food without saying anything else.

 

“Okay…” Tony mumbled. he left the kitchen and found his tablet. He flopped onto the couch and sighed. He was about to have dinner with the god of lies. What has his life become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, don't expect the next chapter to come out anytime soon. I am a SLOW writer.

**Author's Note:**

> I am already working on the second chapter, but I am also working on two other fics at the same time. Updates will be slow, so I apologize ahead of time.


End file.
